Choose YOU

I learned an important lesson...

more than 20 years ago that I continue to learn over and over again in my life today. After completing my degree in psychology I began preparing for the licensure examination, which everyone talked about as "the test from hell". I knew some very intelligent people who had taken it more than once and were still working at passing. Knowing this, I decided to take a year to study and gathered a group of my smartest friends to meet once a month to study. We pooled our resources and bought specifically designed study materials to help us with the process. We asked others to join us to help us learn the parts that were most difficult. We talked to people who had taken the test to get an idea about where to put our greatest amount of energy and effort. Between study group times we would each focus specifically on one aspect of the material to prepare as a presentation to the group. We knew if we had to teach it, we would learn it better. About a week before the test we rented rooms in a retreat center where our meals would be prepared and we could take four days for nothing but intense individual and group study.

I remember the examination vividly. I walked into a large open hall that had long tables and chairs all facing the front of the room. The chairs were spaced about 3 feet apart. There must have been 75 people there that day to take the test. As I waited for the exam to be given out I remember being so exhausted that I didn't really care what happened. I had studied harder than I had ever studied for anything and now that it was finally here, I felt indifferent. I couldn't believe my own feelings. I laughed to myself about the irony. When the tests were passed out and the time started ticking away, I went through the first page surprised that I knew most of the answers. As I moved on the questions became more and more unfamiliar and there were many questions about which I had no clue. Taking a deep breath each time, I just took the best guess. When I handed in my test, I had no expectations of passing. I walked out and drove away thinking that I had done all I could, so the rest was out of my hands. About a month later I got the news that I had passed the test.

The important lesson of this experience was very simple: Give your best to whatever it is you are doing and then let it go. I am quite certain that one of the reasons I passed the test was the attitude I had as I sat taking it. It no doubt was a gift of divine guidance, along with being sick and tired of the whole process, that let me release my fear of not passing, and simply do the best I could. I did not fret about the questions I didn't know or get mad at myself for not remembering certain information. I just answered what I knew, guessed at what I didn't and walked away when I was done. No amount of worry or angst would have helped me do better.

As poignant as this lesson was for me, I unfortunately do not always live by it. I often fall victim to the idea that I must push and shove life into the path I think it must go for me to be happy and satisfied with what happens. I think, and rethink and think again about the same decision, even after I have made it. I will try to manipulate circumstances to avoid what I fear, only to be faced directly with the very thing I was trying to escape. I like to think that I am in charge of it all and if I make all the right decisions and moves, everything will turn out fine. If I judge my experience as failure, then I blame myself for not being smart enough, good enough or worthy enough to get life right.

There is a better way. It takes conscious effort to make the change, and trust to know that there is a much greater Knowing at work in the universe, than the knowing one individual can have. The higher path leads us to decide, sometimes moment by moment, that we cannot change the past or what we did in it and stop blaming and torturing ourselves for whatever we believe was not right. This includes what we have done as well as what others have done. You may have to change your thoughts every thirty seconds at first, but the more you do it the less you will be plagued by the past.

The next step is just as difficult but equally or more beneficial. Choose you. That's right. Choose you. Know that you are a manifestation of God's presence on earth. Choose what gives you life. Don't wait to be hit with the big message about your life purpose to live life fully. Know that if you are choosing truth, goodness, kindness, love and blessing, you are living your life's purpose now. The details of what your life looks like may not be what you planned, but every detail is giving you the chance to be more of who you truly are - if you are choosing you.

Finally, stop struggling. Release the decisions you make, and the effort you put forth, into the hands of God. You are not in charge. Let the good and gracious will of God inform and shape what will be, and follow that leading. Learn to differentiate between what your heart is calling you to and what your fear is pushing you into. God wants you to give to the world the gift of who you are. You do not have to coerce God into helping you. Trust that who you are and what you do is enough. You do not have to figure it all out or force things to happen. Open your hand and let God flow through you. No matter where you have been or what you have done or not done, you are needed in this world to help bring more light, love and peace. If you do that for yourself you will automatically be doing it for others.

Paula Becker is a Licensed Psychologist and President of Burnsville Counseling & Healing Center. She is also co-founder of the Institute for Peace and Joy. For individual appointments or to inquire about workshops, retreats, or speaking for your organization, you may contact her at 952-435-4144. For information about our services, please visit our website at http://www.counselingandhealing.com/

04/03/08  By Paula Becker